![]() ![]() However, don’t cut someone off just because you think it’s time to contribute to the conversation. If you ask a series of questions without revealing anything personal in return, the other person may feel as though you are interrogating them. Whenever you ask deep or personal questions, share something about yourself too. If you talk about how fast time flies, ask how they think they’ve changed over the years – and what made them change.If you talk about work, ask what they would do if they were to start their very own business – and why.If you get stuck talking about problems in society, ask if they dream about living somewhere else – and why.If you get stuck talking about how it’s hard to find an apartment nowadays, ask where they would live if money wasn’t an issue – and why.Once we’re able to move past any fears of vulnerability and start sharing personal details about ourselves, sharing is usually reciprocated by the other person, Sandstrom said. We might worry what the other person might think, whether they’ll become bored, or if we have the social skills to keep the conversation going. Sandstrom explained that multiple fears factor into our reservations about sharing intimate aspects of ourselves with strangers. “When we talk to a stranger, we’re trying to find points of connection - we don’t know where to start, so we comment on the weather or ask about their day.” “Risking negative judgments from others is scary,” Sandstrom said by email. Gillian Sandstrom, PhD, a senior lecturer in the Department of Psychology at the University of Essex, said that a fear of vulnerability could be explained by our need to feel a sense of belonging. According to research, people are also more likely to assume that strangers aren’t interested in learning about them on a personal level. “Having meaningful conversation that strengthens social bonds should also strengthen our relationships.”Ĭompared to small talk, deep conversations require sharing personal information, which can be a vulnerable experience. “The quality of our social relationships is one of the biggest determinants of well-being,” Nicholas Epley, PhD, a professor of behavioral science at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business, said in an interview with Psych Central. The findings suggest that positive experiences associated with deep conversations are likely to increase short-term well-being, with a potential for stronger social connections to promote well-being in the long term. Greater feelings of connection were experienced overall, with the positive effects most pronounced in deep conversations, which were also the most enjoyable. Results showed that most subjects overestimated how awkward they’d feel engaging in both small talk and deep discussion. ![]() Following the discussions, subjects were asked to evaluate what transpired. Subjects were also asked to estimate how awkward or enjoyable they thought their discussions would be and how connected they’d feel to their partner afterward. In contrast, deeper conversations involved sharing intimate details, such as the last time they cried in front of someone, requiring some element of vulnerability. The small talk discussions included topics such as a favorite TV show or the weather. Researchers conducted 12 experiments with over 1,800 subjects that involved either small talk or deep conversation with a partner.
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